We all stayed the first night in my parents home. When I woke up, I desired to pray in a spot that I would escape to as a kid. It is a wide spot between a couple sagebrush hills with an irrigation ditch running through it which provides enough water for a little grass and willow trees. The water falls about 10 feet, and the sound has always been very relaxing to me.
After about a five minute walk, I arrived at the spot and sat down to think and pray. However, the peacefulness of the spot was disturbed by a calf that had recently died about 20 feet from were I sat down. I quickly determined that I could not stay here. I looked around and notice a tall hill that is located just behind my parents house and decided to climb it for the views and seclusion.
Upon arriving on the top of the hill, I took of my jacket, laid it on the ground and sat down on top of it. No sooner had I sat down, when instantly I heard this deep, loud, sad sound rise from what seemed like all around me. But, it was coming from me. It was like I was divided. One side of me was wailing and one side of me was hearing the wailing. The hearing side was shocked and tried to stop the wailing side, but the wailing side was too powerful. The tears eroded the divide and the two sides, the heart and mind, merged and cried deeply together as one. After some time the wailing turned to sobs and whimpers.
I closed my eyes to pray and as I did, I could hear running horses. My dad's horses, which I had not yet seen, heard, like me, a strange sound and come running to investigate. Seeing me in a state of sorrow, they came to me to give comfort. The mare nibbled grass next to me, and I returned to prayer. With eyes closed, I prayed for peace to my soul. As I did so, the morning sun broke between the clouds. I could feel warmth on my face and see increased light. With diminished but remaining sadness, I opened my eyes to the view of the beauty of the Salmon River valley. I knew God would not reverse the terrible tragedy from the day before, I knew that my life had forever changed, but I knew all the same that God was and would be with me.
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